Henry Aaron

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon playing golf.

Douglas Adams (03/11/1952 - 05/11/2001) English humorist & science fiction novelist

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.



Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.


Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.



I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.



In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.



There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.



The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.



Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own set of laws.

Joey Adams (01/06/1911 - 12/02/1999)

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.



Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Muhammad Ali (01/17/1942 - ) maybe the greatest boxer ever

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.



I don't always know what I'm talking about but I know I'm right.



Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up.



I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my bedroom and was in bed before the room was dark.



Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong.

Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Woody Allen (12/01/1935 - ) US writer, actor and director

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.



Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.



How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?



Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's a pretty good empty experience.


If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Robert Altman

If you have a child who is seven feet tall, you don't cut off his head or his legs. You buy him a bigger bed and hope he plays basketball.

Mario Andretti (02/28/1940 - ) Italian automobile racer

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Give me a lever long enough, and I shall move the world.

Archimedes Greek inventor, mathematician, & physicist